Week 36 - Frustations

4 weeks until our due date.   At this point in the game is just a waiting game.  The phone could ring tomorrow and our lives could change drastically.

For the last couple of weeks my wife has been suffering through contraction after contraction.  There has not been a regular pattern to them but they have been constantly getting stronger as time goes on.   There are times where the contractions be within 15 minutes of each other and then the next day she won't have any.   In our birth class they tell us that to know your in labor its that your contractions get stronger and closer together.  Well this is one of those frustrating times where neither is happening.   We don't want to be that couple that goes to the hospital everytime we think she is going into labor either.  But with no consistent pattern to the contractions it is making it rather difficult to decide when to make that journey up to the third floor of our hospital.

Then we never know what to look for when her water does break.  We had a scare the other night and went into see the doctor.  We were all prepared to be admitted to the hospital and come to find out her water didn't break.   Since this our first child we really don't know what we are looking for.  But then when we went into see our doctor to check she ends up telling us that she isn't as far along as the doc. told us 2 weeks ago.  When we went into see the doc. last time she told us we were 75% effaced and when she checked us this time she said we were about half way there, she didn't explain that but we took it as we were 50% effaced.  Now doesn't that seem like we are moving in the opposite direction then we should be?  See the frustration?

As for me what is even more frustrating coming from the man's end of all of this watching your wife go through all of this and find out that she isn't getting any closer to getting this over with.  It's so hard knowing that in all honesty, yes I did this to my wife, and she is having to deal with the pain.  I've told my wife that I would gladly take her pain, her contractions, her nausea, her swelling, and all of the other symptoms because for me it is painful watching her go through all of this.  Find me a husband who wouldn't do that for their wife and I will personally revoke their man card.  It is a miracle what women go through for the 9 months of a pregnancy and then to have them go through the trauma that is labor, tell that it isn't a miracle?

Week 35 - The Takeover

I love our little guy with all my heart.  But as mentioned in a previous post, he has taken over my space! Everywhere I look there is something of his.  He hasn't even stepped foot (ok carried) into our house.

He is in our room

He is in our living room

He has started invading our guest bath

And this kid is going to have to eat somewhere

 

He has to be safe in the car too right?

 

I truly do love our little guy I really do.  I guess this is just another way of me saying that I was not ready for being a dad just yet.

I'm ready to meet him just not ready to listen to the TV quieter... move to the bedroom to watch my college basketball games (i have a tendency to yell at the TV during them).  One of the things I am looking forward to however... is sharing in my love for my favorite team with him... granted if he doesn't like them, I'll enjoy the good hearted rivalry between the two of us (as long as it isn't K-State or Missouri). I hope that my wife agrees with that idea.  I won't get into our differences of baseball teams.

I don't want all my readers to get the wrong impression.  I love him I do... just wasn't ready to give up some of things that I have had to give up.  But in the same breath I'm glad that I can give all of this up for him because I would do anything for him.  It's going to be a lifestyle change that I am really looking forward to.

Note:  the time frame for his arrival has been pushed up a month from Nov. 2nd to Oct. 8th.  So I could be a father sooner then expected and handing out my fatherhood and parenting advice sooner!

Week 35 - Diapers

This is probably a discussion that many parent's don't bother to have, but it all depends on how you look at it and how easy you would like your life to be.

Should we go with cloth diapers or disposable diapers?

Now we had this discussion very early on into the pregnancy.  We had some friends who went into the cloth diapers and we found out that they aren't as hard as they used to be.

The diapers we have chose are the BumGenius diapers.



One of the things to think about when it you look at the type of diapers you want to use is the cost.  For us when we learned that we would be spending $1200 on diapers a year we immediately knew that we were going to go cloth.   The only down side the cost for the cloth diapers is the up-front cost.  We have spent a total of $300 just to get us stocked up on the diapers so we have enough in between washings.  But looking at spending $300 now verses $1200 a year for three years atleast financially this works for us.

Then there is the environmental aspect of it all. 

ABC News states that 18 billion disposable diapers are thrown into landfills every year (http://bit.ly/aUrw23)

We are not environmentalist by any means, but we do try and do things to help with the environment and if this is one way of doing it, great, and we are making the Earth a better place for our little one in the future.

In the provided link you will see the other benefits of going with cloth diapers.  And since we have not actually used the diapers I can not provide an extensive review of them.  However this will be a great topic to discuss further into our journey of parenthood and review.

Week 30 - Baby Shower 1

The excitement continues to build.   Recently the first of two baby showers were held.  When your going through the stores that you are registering at its almost, ok well it is like, when you were creating your registry when you were getting married.  Except that you have that third person to think about and that you hope that you are picking up things that he/she will like.

The diaper cake is the norm of a baby shower.  Now as a guy I don't really understand why these are an almost necessity at baby showers but hey free diapers can't complain.

The great thing about the showers is that you are getting all of this stuff for free.  Clothes, diapers, burp rags, baby monitors, diaper bags, and in our case a very special quilt made by my grandmother.





Now the story behind this handmade quilt I don't remember at all.   But my wife nearly cried when she heard it from my grandma.  Apparently back in the day (which was a Wednesday by the way(there's my Dane Cook reference for the day)), my father, grandma, and myself went to a fabric store.  Now what the story I really want to know is why did my dad and me think it was a good idea to go to a fabric store in the first place.  But my cousin was expecting and we all thought it was going to be a boy.  So my grandma was looking for blue colored fabric to make the quilt with and so my dad and I were trying to help her find some fabric, again why we were doing this is the real story.  As it turns out my cousin had a girl and so the blue fabric was a bust that she bought.  But all these years she kept the blue fabric and as it turns out she used it to create the quilt that she created for our little boy.   I have no recollection of this story but its always nice when you receive something that has meaning behind it and you can always tell your kid what it is and where it came from.  The little ones nursery has more meaning behind it as will be discussed in a later post.

Great Grandma's Quilt

More of the quilt (some of the fabric I helped pick out

Diaper dude messenger bag

Now being the nerdy father that I am, we couldn't go without registering for something that was for me.  Granted, I will be taking care of our little one a lot by myself so we really needed two diaper bags.  I found a couple company's that created diaper bags for dads.  Now I am really not for the one-purpose bags.  But like I said... when I saw this, I had to have it. Diaperdude.com makes these bags that aren't to girly or fru-fru so that you don't lose your man-card.  Now I have heard different stories about these types of bags if they are really necessary.  Since all you really need is one and any man should be able to take the girly diaper bag with them anywhere.  So we will see how much I like this bag.  I am sure that there will be some sort of review coming as soon as we start using it.

The dad checklist (note the last item... don't forget the baby

As a side note there is another company DadGear that also makes diaper bags for guys.

Now we can only hope that some of the stuff that we didn't get at this shower we get at the second one!

Week 30 - The Nursery

I had big plans for this room... before it was going to be a nursery.  This child has already invaded my space before he even steps (or is carried) into our house.  What is now going to be the nursery was going to and was my ongoing project called "my office," or "my man-cave."

When we originally bought our house what was the office had a burnt orange color on the walls.  Didn't work to well for my Kansas Jayhawks and C0lorado Rockies gear, but I am a guy and didn't really care.  Now that you mention that even those two teams colors don't go well together.   My wife hated the color... and as for me, i uh lived with it and it grew on me.   Needless to say we didn't want that color for the nursery.   I was actually kind of sad to see that color go when we did start repainting over it.  But this is one of those things that as a father you accept as your job.  But its a job that I enjoy doing because I know that someday when our little one finally sleeps through the night he will appreciate exactly what daddy has done for him... yeah at the age of 3 months he is going to appreciate it HAHA!  But even if he won't know the difference between sleeping in our room or his own room its still gratifying knowing that we are providing him a nice room to sleep in.

(picture of the nursery)

Now the paint color has changed.  We hope that this is paint job, he will be able to grow up with and maybe we won't have to change it.  But you learn lots of little tricks when you have to add another color boarder like we did.  And even though my wife was not able to help out much with the painting, I wouldn't have been able to do it with out her since she was helping me with making sure that it all looked good.  It's all about the wifes idea and then we execute it no matter how difficult it is right guys?

Now we had an old dresser and bookshelf that we had sitting around and decided to just paint it the coordinating blue which I think turned out great and saved us some cash.

(Pictures of the bookshelf and dresser)

The changing table we got a deal on.  Bought it off criagslist for about 30 bucks and it was originally a golden pine color.  We were wanting to stain it the same color as our crib but, I'll take the fall for this one, I didn't get started on it soon enough to get it stained before the baby shower and so I just painted it.  If there is one thing I can advise... for baby items check craigslist.  You'll never know what you will find but sometimes you can come across a bargain.

(Picture of changing table)

We got our crib for a very good price as it was on sale and with a free mattress. But something that makes this have alittle bit more meaning... my wonderful wife made the crib sheet and the bumper.  Partially because we were unable to find sheets in just baseball that we liked, but it gives us a story to tell that she made them just for him.  Just like the accent fabric on the curtain. That was in my old room when I was in high school.

(picture of the crib and curtains)

And finally we added alittle bit with vinyl stick on stickers.  We found this personalized home plate which was very nice and also just some baseballs to go on the boarder.  They come off clean so if we do have paint again we won't have to leave them on.

(Picture of the vinyl stick-ons)

Week 29 - More Reality Checks

There have been many times throughout our pregnancy that reality has set in and smacked me in the face and said "Yo Dude your having a baby!"  Every mother and father go through it.  A mother goes through it probably more then a father.  She has to deal with the constant shifting, kicking, and heartburn coming from our little one.  As a father what reality checks do we have.  Sure we can see our growing wife but is that enough of a check?

When I felt the baby kick for the first time I knew this was real.  The first sonogram, I'm not going to lie, I didn't see shit!  But when I felt that little bugger kick for the first time that's when I thought to myself that this is really happening.  Now the little guy doesn't even like me to put my hand on my wifes belly... he will kick it away.  Not to mention he doesn't like it when the doctor puts the Doppler on her stomach to check the heart beat, he kicked that one day too, and the second sonogram we got!  Apparently this kid wants his own little space and doesn't want it invaded! Alot like his father!

Then we have the more superficial reality checks, basically when those checks aren't coming from something the little kid is doing.  I was watching the second episode of "Parenthood" on NBC and within the first five minutes I realized that, there is a chance I could be dealing with some of the issues that these families go through.   At that time we didn't know if our little one was a he or a she.  So I was watching all of these families and thinking that any one of these problems could be my own!  Between one of the sons having aspergers another going through puberty you wonder what your going to have to go through as this child grows.

Then the other day, I was listening to the radio and something almost brought me to tears.   And now that we know are having a son this makes it hit even more.  George Strait has his song called "The Breath You Take." Needless to say if you look at the first couple of lyrics to the song it really makes you think about being a father.

"He looks up from second base, dad's up in the stands
He saw the hit, the run, the slide, there ain't no bigger fan
In the parking lot after the game
He said, "dad, I thought you had a plane to catch?"
He smiled and said, "Yeah, son, I did"

I'm not saying this is a dad's song just because it mentions the word dad.  But since this talks about being able to watch a son play baseball and just knowing that your son is so happy that you were able to come and watch his game despite having a flight to catch.  This shows the true sacrifice that a father takes to his family and to see them happy.   What makes this more real is that I know I am going to be that father.  The one where it doesn't matter what is going on I am going to drop everything just be able to see him play a game or anything that he enjoys doing.   And to be honest I couldn't help but shed a tear when I heard this song for the first time.  It hit so close to home.

There will be many more reality checks to come I'm sure.

28 Weeks - The worry

So we've hit the 28th week.  Meaning we are into the 3rd trimester.  Now you start to worry about things.  How am I going to get my wife to the hospital? What happens if something is wrong with the baby? What if something bad happens during the labor?  But this is when you and even your wife start to think about some of this stuff.  What if something happens to us while we are trying to get to the hospital?  And one that you ask yourself everyday, how are we going to be able to afford this child?

This is all natural.  Trust me worry if you haven't been worried yet is all natural.  I've hit that point, especially when you talk about the financial aspect of it all.  I start thinking about all of the little expenses that you have with a child.  The diapers, the diapers wipes, formula, and food.  When you are have been trying to save up some money and then now you throw this into the mix its hard. Really hard.  We've already talked that we can throw any sort of vacation out the window for the next couple years.  But there are a few things that you can do to help ease this.  If you strapped for money make the initial investment in cloth diapers.  Now many people don't think this is such a hot idea.  But If you think about it... if you spend $400 now on the diapers you need for the 3 years he/she will be in diapers... vs... spending $1200 for the three years that the kid will be wearing disposable diapers.  Look at the cost savings.  Yes cloth diapers are alot of work and probably more then you are willing to do but the cost savings make up for that amount of work.  You can take it one step further and even make your own wipes.  That helps so you don't have to buy wipes all the time.  Now yes there are times that you are going to want disposable everything, like when you travel or when the child is in daycare.

Daycare is another expense that you have to look at.  I can't even imagine how we would be able to afford this child if we had to have him in daycare for 5 days a week.

I'll just say this... as a father our biggest worry is about paying for the child.  It's tough, real tough.   And I didn't even scratch the surface about it all, the nurnsery, the medical bills, all the other baby items you will need.   Makes me sick to even think about it!

Finally feeling connected to it all

When a husband (or boyfriend or sex buddy to be PC) learns that they are going to be a father, after the initial shock and "OH SHIT" we try to think about what we can do to help our significant other.  Most of the time they say that the best thing to do is to be there for them and support them through the process.  That's all well and good but at some point in time the man is going to feel distanced or wondering what he can do during this process.   In fact, there are many times when the husband (or neanderthal if you wish HAHA) will feel neglected during it all.  But if we fight through it there will come a time when your wife, girlfriend, or who ever it is will need you.

Take today as an example.  We are working on getting our nursery painted.  A pregnant woman shouldn't probably not help you paint because, one the fumes from the paint are probably not the best on her system. And two, because there involves alot of climbing, reaching, and kneeling which may upset the baby inside ( is that an old wives tail) or be uncomfortable for her.  This is one of the times that you can finally feel apart of the pregnancy.  That is saying that you aren't in the process of talking to the strange object inside your partner's belly or feeling your little kick-boxers kicks and punches.

But as we continue to prepare the nursery for our little ones arrival in late October or early November, I have noticed that I am doing many things around the house to get it ready.  Building the crib, and changing table, making the closet more functional for the baby clothing, baby proofing the house, and finally getting the cars ready to take the baby for a drive when you can't get it to go to sleep. HAHA

Yes, it is difficult for us as men to feel apart of this because we aren't feeling what is going on inside our significant others belly. But just remember that you will be doing things to help prepare for the baby's arrival that she can't and that (next to being there at the hospital during labor) is one of the best ways you can show that you truly are supporting her and to make you feel connected.

27 Weeks down 13 to go

27 weeks ago my beautiful wife and I, in the middle of a bathroom renovation, found out that she was pregnant with our first child.  We had been told that it might be difficult for us to have children and come to find out it wasn't really that hard.   In fact I told the doctor "I guess we hit it right on the nose" when I found out.  HAHA boy that was stupid.  I'm sure he has had people who have said much more stupid things then that when they found out.

Are we ready to become parents? Probably not.  Am I ready to become a father?  HELL NO!  I still have dreams of being able to do what I wanted with my wife like take vacations, dinners together, nights on the town, just spending time with the two of us on our time.  I am not ready to give all of that up.  I am not ready for my life to circle around a pooping, puking, sleeping newborn! To make matters worse with my work schedule I am going to be the one who is going to be the primary care giver to our child, I know that I am definitely not ready for that.   I also felt like with my work schedule I was going to miss out on alot of my kids life when he is older.  I have read lots of research about men who suffer from post-partum depression.  But now I bring up the question, can a man suffer from pre-partum depression.   But lately I've been always wondering... Am I going to be a good father? Do I have the skills needed to be a parent at all? What's going to happen to my family if something happens to me at work? What will I do when I have to change our baby's diaper for the first time?  But you want to know something... despite these questions and feelings IT'S EXCITING!  (now I am just waiting for what my wife will say tonight when I get home after reading this)

Hopefully seeing our baby on Wednesday at our next sonogram and check up will cheer me up alittle.

That's why I started this blog.  Not only to help me have a place where I can vent but also to jot down some of my thoughts and my findings from being a first time dad.  So in the future expect new pictures/videos and better enhancements to the blog. Hope you enjoy!